Sacraficios

I apologize for my lack of posts lately.  I started this post a few weeks ago, but just haven't made time to finish.  You've got to understand, I'm a huge fan of the Olympics, I always have.  I don't remember them actually being here in Atlanta (other than Izzy, the Olympic character thing- good stuff), but my mom says that whenever the Olympic theme would come on, I'd run from wherever I was in the house into the room with the T.V., humming along loudly.  So yeah, things haven't been terribly routine this past little while.  We pretty much always had the T.V on with some Olympic event or another playing, and if I stopped to watch, I would be guaranteed to be there watching for much more time than I should have been. And then when you throw in Domino's 50% off online order deal and the extra business we had at work, I ended up working like eight hours longer than I was scheduled (including a lovely thirteen hour shift on Friday.  But talk about $$$$ :D).  So like I said, I just haven't made time to sit down and write a good post.  But things are going well!  I finally got my shoes (such a painful process -___-), once all debts are paid off, and money is deposited in the bank, I should have enough money right now to pay for my part of the mission, and I'm just counting down the days.  In three weeks I'll officially have been set apart as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Exciting stuff!

But anyways, the Olympics.  There's just a special spirit of unity about the games.  At the same time, the idea of an athlete competing as a representative of their home country and the people that live therein, not competing for a big pay check, but for the honor and respect of people worldwide just adds a wonderful depth to what would otherwise be simply another sports event.  And there are many other aspects that I love about the Olympics, and many things that I feel like I could relate to everyday living, but one thing that had really been pressing on my mind lately is sacrifice.  These athletes, no doubt, make many sacrifices, giving up the normal in hopes of obtaining the extraordinary.  Not everybody understands why a person would wake up so early everyday, devote so much time, eat nasty stuff, not eat good stuff, and so on and so forth.  So how is a person able to give up these in-the-moment comforts?

The dream of and belief in the possibility of a glorious end result is really the only means that I believe can drive an athlete, or any person, to have the discipline to consistently make sacrifices.  These sacrifices can be big or small, but if a person doubts themselves or doesn't want their dream bad enough, they won't have any reason to not resist the smallest temptation.  These gold medalists don't strive to be silver medalists, it's the top or bust because for one reason or another, they want to be the best, and they do all that they believe to be possible to get there.  While Olympics gold is en extraordinary achievement, everybody makes sacrifices, even on a daily basis, in hopes of getting to where they believe they need to be.

Right now I face the prospect of making many sacrifices as I prepare to leave everyone and nearly everything I know behind and devote my life to the Lord.  This prospect really hit me hard recently and the adversary really dug in and made me doubt my ability to make these sacrifices and serve the Lord.  As I'm saying goodbye to people and having to end familiar relationships in the shadow of inevitable change, it really is sad to let go of the good old days and the way things have been.  I love thinking about piling into my good friend Matt/Ben's truck and riding around, going to Cici's, having man time, developing the relationships that have help make me who I am today and so on and so forth.  Thinking about the strategy of the adversary in this particular case in trying to get me to not serve as I've been called to do really is silly because staying home would really just freeze me in a state of nostalgia, unable to move me on with the world around me.  But it did, in a complex way, sort of give me a taste of what I will be giving up, and I'm continuing to see it more clearly as time gets closer.  So will it be worth it?

The role that making sacrifices has played in my life leads me to know that it will indeed be worth it.  More than I can even imagine, I'm sure.  I've had to make many sacrifices throughout my life, and in every case, there had been either an eventual payout of sorts, or a special comfort that has made me able to endure and learn in my journey of sacrifice.  I'll give a couple examples.

I used to watch a popular T.V. show that was very funny, but often times had some questionable content.  At one point, I felt as though I'd be better off not watching it, which was a bummer because it really was funny and had a good story line and so forth.  But I was blessed with a will to follow through with that prompting, and I stopped watching it and I haven't watched it since.  Now that I'm on the other side, I know that the added measure of the Spirit that comes from not taking in that questionable content has blessed me in more ways than I can imagine.  Do I miss the show?  Not really.  It's just a T.V. show.  After making the sacrifices, it's easy to not want to go back and think that it was easy giving it up, but making that first step and getting to that point is kind of tough.  It's just about seeing a bigger perspective and not getting so caught up in the moment.

Probably one of the bigger sacrifices I've made is a pretty in depth story, but I'll give you the gists of things.  I've never been really one to feel the need to have a girlfriend or anything like that.  I guess I haven't really been one to look for love because it's just not something I needed or felt was practical in my life thus far.  At one point, however, it just happened- I found myself in a situation where a friendship was kind of heading in that direction.  If we would have pursued that kind of a relationship, in some aspects it probably would have been great, but we both knew that leaders of the True and Living Church, people who clearly know the will of God, had advised against doing such and so we decided to take steps necessary to make sure we weren't ever in any sort of a situation to go against that advice.  It wasn't easy for me by any means, but that experience led me to realize that if I had to give her up to put myself in a better position to serve the Lord that I would be willing to do that.  Following that, however, we enjoyed a great friendship and I can't say that I've ever been closer to anybody else (for whatever reason I just have a hard time really opening up to other people I guess) in more of a best friend than a boy friend sense of things.  That relationship has been a great blessing in my life- I've learned so many things about everything and I'm certain it's impact on me will last forever.  So blessings really do follow sacrifices if we have the faith to make that move and put ourselves in the momentary position of discomfort.

This story continues today and had played a big part of the adversary's recent attacks on me.  She's in a position where she can move on with her life now while I put things on hold for a couple years.  It very well could turn out that I come home and we're in a situation where it would be best for us to not communicate at all in order to prevent us from bringing back that friendship and harbor up old feelings and so on so forth.  Thinking about essentially giving her up forever has been hard- she's my best friend, pretty much the only person I feel completely comfortable talking to about whatever.  At first glance it's hard to see any hope of finding another person with which I will feel as comfortable and able to express myself as fully as I was with this friend.  Looking back at my past experiences, I know that it's tough thinking about it right now, but as I move forward, trying to do the will of God, He will provide means to fill the whole left behind in a way better than I could imagine, especially because I've been striving to be obedient to the laws upon which such blessings are predicated (Doctrine and Covenants 130:21).  That's not to take away from this friend and say that there's another person out there way better than she is, but if we aren't able to continue our friendship, new friendships will be formed with other people that will work out a lot better in God's wonderful plan for each of us.  This has been a tough sacrifice to come to terms with, but it's just one among many that I'll be facing sooner than I know.

I don't speak of sacrifices to glorify myself- I seek to share what's helped me out when I've faced these situations so that somebody else can face whatever sacrifices they face with some secondhand experience under their belt.  And these sacrifices are all made for the Lord, for His glory, not mine.  I'm not going on a mission to be able to claim credit for the salvation of any individuals I baptize- that all was made possibly by the Savior's Atonement.  I'm not seeking to add something to my resume- there are other, much more practical things that I could easily do without such a time and money commitment.  I'm not doing this out of any social pressure or expectations of others- once again, that would just be impractical and a huge waste of time and money.  I've chosen to leave all behind and serve because I love my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.  I know that they have blessed me with so much, have made me be able to live with real hope and real joy in this life and have given me a hope for eternal happiness in the life to come.  I've done nothing to deserve this.  Nothing.  Shoot, I've done a bunch of things to deserve the opposite, but through the indescribably wonderful grace of God, I can be made into a better person than I far deserve to be.  This reality is what drives me to serve.  I want to make what meager attempt I can to giving back to the Ones who have given me all.

As weird as it sounds, having the opportunity to make sacrifices really is a wonderful thing.  It's tough to deal with in the moment, but gives us strength in the long run.  In making sacrifices, we have the opportunity to learn patience, learn of God's plan for us and how wonderful that is, learn about the greatest sacrifice of all, the Atonement, and learn about other attributes that help us to become better and eventually perfect beings.  Sacrifices are not easy to make, but with faith, good underlying motivation, persistence and an eternal perspective, they're certainly possible.  I know I'm where I am today, in what I would consider good standing with God and with man, because of the sacrifices I've made in the past, and I'm grateful to God for His trust in me in making such sacrifices.

"Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD."  -Psalm 4:5